The Single Parent Marathon
I never wanted to be a single parent.
I ran into a friend about a year ago while I was in the midst of school drop off, so I was a bit of a mess. Mind you, I have three boys that go to three different schools. Three drop offs, three pickups. Everyday. Three backpacks to pack, three faces to wash, breakfasts to be prepared, homework to gather, teeth to brush, gloves to find, coats and shoes on and out the door by 7:30am. I call this my morning marathon. By the time I get to work, I am already exhausted with 8 hours of work still ahead of me followed by three school pickups only to race home to start dinner, showers, homework, read books and bed. Another marathon. Then my night’s sleep is often interrupted with potty breaks, bad dreams, can’t sleep and so forth. Restful sleep is always just out of reach.
So, when I ran into this friend of mine, I was a bit discombobulated, which I am not entirely sure is an actual emotion, but it does describe me 99% of the time. I said good morning to her and asked how she had been.
She said, “Well, did you hear I am getting divorced?”
I had not heard, and without any warning at all, I just started to cry, weeping at school drop off. She said, “Don’t cry! I’m not even crying!”
I said through all my emotion of the morning, “You don’t understand, I wouldn’t wish THIS (making a sweeping circular motion of my chaotic surroundings) on ANYONE!”
I have been a single mom due to domestic abuse for over 5 years. I was 8 months pregnant when my abuser was arrested for assaulting and strangling me. This was not a life choice for me. Being a single mom was the only way I could guarantee our safety. Children who witness domestic violence are 6 times more likely to attempt suicide, 24 times more likely to be sexually abused, and 60 times more likely to be involved in delinquent behavior. My children are the loves of my life. They are my most cherished gifts from God and my duty and responsibility lie in protecting them. Whether it be from strangers on the street or toxic and dangerous family members.
So that morning I cried. I cried for their children and the family that was about to break. I cried because divorce hurts. I cried because losing the other responsible parent as a teammate and support under the same roof is devastating. Obviously sometimes, it is necessary for safety, and I don’t fully know what happened behind their closed front door, but I have prayed for them ever since.
Being a single parent is hard. God did not design families to be fatherless, or motherless or separated. But we live in a broken world, and we must do our best with what we have at every moment of our life.
So even though I never wanted to be a single parent, when I lay down completely exhausted, I am proud of myself for getting through another day. I hold my head up high because I know that the stress, the exhaustion, the sometimes-overwhelming schedule, is worth the reward. My reward will be raising three young men who will value the women in their lives and who will protect their wives someday. Because they watched their mom struggle to do it all, they will not want that struggle for their wives. They will be present fathers because they know how devastating it is to not have one.
This marathon that I run every day is worth it.